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  • Dr. EL March

How to Successfully Fail in a Relationship

The rate of broken relationships has been on the hike for the past few decades. We look at Jack and Jill and we say, ”What happened? They looked so good together?” Then of course we get a chance to talk to Jack or Jill and we find out few of the things I have in the list to follow and we say, “Wow!! That’s too bad.” All the while not noticing that we are doing exactly the same to our own relationship.


To that end, here are 8 ways I can think of that you can bet you’re ruining your relationship and heading to splits-ville.

  1. Take your partner for granted - this is one of the most successful tactics in getting rid of your partner. They have always ……. And so it now has become their chore and your right. No more “thank you” or “please”, because it is their job to do this.

  2. Stop talking – remember before you started being together? Called every chance you got. Texted from the washroom to say “I miss you.” Texted from the bus or the car saying, “I can’t wait to see you. I love you.” Cuddled up for hours on the phone or on the couch somewhere. Relationships die when we stop talking. When we have to alter the jokes in the threat of offending the partner. When every word we say is translated into some out of context meaning that was never intended.

  3. Stop expressing your feelings – remember when you got into the relationship, you could not stop saying, “I love you.” Now you hear, “Stop saying that, it loses its effect.” It’s as if the extremes of our emotions are taken away, and all we have left is a lot of moderate, unsexy feelings.

  4. Stop laughing and kill the fun – enjoying each other’s company because it is fun is what starts the relationship. When fun leaves a relationship, it can be a sign that the relationship is heading to the rocks. Fun is a part of life and it’s definitely a part of any healthy relationship. However you and your significant other define fun together. It’s important to keep doing it even as your relationship matures.

  5. Stop taking responsibility – remember that at the beginning of relationship how you were both there for each other. You planned future together; you naturally took responsibilities and eased the other person’s burden of dealing with it all. This allowed you to tackle life’s moments together and make life easier. You were there for each other and no one and nothing else mattered.

  6. Make demands and nitpick – These may be a sign of needing to “control” others, but it may also just be a sign of the way some people were brought up. In any case, it’s a bad habit and one you should try and curtail in your relationship.

  7. Threaten - Wow, threatening your significant other is such a turn-on. Yeah, no it’s not. Whether you’re threatening to leave, chop off a bit of your anatomy, or find a better life in California, it’s never a good sign for a healthy relationship. Threats are often made in an act of feeling like a situation is out of control — the threat is an attempt to regain control. However, threats are juvenile and more suited for children’s temper tantrums than an adult, mature relationship.

  8. Ignore your partner – would you have done something like this when you started? Hell no. She/he was all you thought about. They say the one thing worse than being hated by someone is simply to be ignored by them. Being ignored means the person doesn’t even care enough to waste the energy of anger on you. You don’t hook up with a person only to be ignored by them.

Now, these signs don’t necessarily mean your relationship is over. There is always hope, especially when both of your recognize some of these signs and decide you want to reconnect to try and grow your relationship. The only requirement in having this relationship actually be rebuilt is love and respect. With these two components a lot can be resolved. If you love the person enough, work it out; if not, let go in a decisive way.


Be the Light!

EL



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